English Learning for Beginners: Politeness Levels

Dialogue

Alice: Hey Bob, what’s up? You look like you’re trying to solve a complicated math problem with your eyebrows.

Bob: Alice! Oh, just practicing my “polite face.” I need to ask Professor Thompson for an extension on my essay.

Alice: An extension? Oh boy. That’s not a “Hey, can I get more time?” kind of situation.

Bob: Exactly! I was thinking, “Yo Prof T, gimme another week!” (Winks mischievously)

Alice: (Gasps dramatically) Bob! No! He’d faint on the spot! You need to be super formal. Think “Your esteemed professorness, I humbly beseech thee…”

Bob: Haha, okay, okay, maybe not *that* much. But “Could I possibly request a brief moment of your time to discuss my essay deadline?” Is that too much?

Alice: That’s perfect! See, you’re learning. It’s polite, respectful, but not a medieval scroll.

Bob: What if I just said, “Excuse me, Professor, may I have an extension?”

Alice: That’s also very good! A bit more direct than the ‘brief moment’ one, but still polite enough for a professor.

Bob: So, “Can I get an extension?” is definitely out?

Alice: For Professor Thompson? Yes! For me? Totally fine. “Alice, can I borrow your pen?”

Bob: Alice, could I possibly request the honor of borrowing your exquisite writing instrument for a short duration?

Alice: Bob, stop! You’re making it weird! Just say, “Hey, got a pen?” You’re my friend!

Bob: Right, right. Politeness levels depend on the person and situation. Got it!

Alice: Exactly! Now go practice your “perfectly polite Bob” voice. And don’t forget to try a small, humble smile!

Bob: Wish me luck! And thanks for the politeness lesson, Professor Alice.

Alice: Anytime, student Bob! Just don’t ask for an extension on your chores at home.

Current Situation

In English, we don’t have special verb forms or grammatical structures just for politeness (like in some other languages). Instead, we use specific words, phrases, and sentence structures to show different levels of politeness. The level of politeness you use depends a lot on the situation and who you are talking to:

• Informal: When you talk to friends, family, or people your age you know well. You can be more direct.
• Formal: When you talk to strangers, older people, your boss, a professor, or in a serious situation (like an interview or official meeting). You need to be more careful with your words.

Using polite language shows respect and can help you get what you want, especially when asking for favors or making requests. For example, “Help me!” is very direct, but “Could you possibly help me?” is much more polite and friendly.

Key Phrases

• Excuse me: Used to get someone’s attention or apologize for interrupting.

  Excuse me, where is the nearest restroom?

• Please: Makes a request much softer and more polite.

  Could you please pass the salt?

• Thank you: Shows gratitude.

  Thank you for your help today.

• May I…? / Could I…? (for asking permission/favors): Polite ways to ask if you can do something or have something.

  May I come in? / Could I have a glass of water, please?

• Would you mind…? (more polite request): A very polite way to ask someone to do something.

  Would you mind closing the window? It’s a bit cold.

• I would like to… (polite statement of desire): A polite alternative to “I want…”

  I would like to order a chicken sandwich, please.

• Could you please…? (polite request): A common and very useful polite request.

  Could you please tell me the time?

• I’m sorry to bother you, but… (introducing a request politely): Used when you think you might be interrupting someone.

  I’m sorry to bother you, but could you help me with this heavy box?

• Would it be possible to…? (very polite, for a difficult request): Used for making a request that might be inconvenient for the other person.

  Would it be possible to reschedule our meeting to next Tuesday?

Grammar Points

The main grammar points for politeness in English involve using specific modal verbs and forming questions:

• Modal Verbs for Politeness:
  • Can: The most direct, less formal. Used with friends or in casual situations.

    Can you lend me five dollars? (Informal)

  • Could: More polite than “can.” Suggests a possibility or makes a softer request.

    Could you lend me five dollars, please? (More polite)

  • May: More formal than “can,” primarily used for asking permission.

    May I sit here? (Polite permission)

  • Would: Used in polite requests, especially with “like to” or “mind.”

    Would you like some tea? / Would you mind helping me? (Polite offers/requests)

• Using “Please”: Always add “please” to make a request more polite, whether it’s direct or uses modal verbs.

  Close the door. (Command, not polite)
  Please close the door. (Slightly polite)
  Could you please close the door? (Very polite)

• Question Forms for Requests: Phrasing requests as questions is generally much more polite than making direct commands.

  Give me your pen. (Direct command)
  Can you give me your pen? (Informal request)
  Could you give me your pen, please? (Polite request)

• “I would like to…” instead of “I want…”: “I want…” can sound demanding. “I would like to…” is a polite way to express a desire.

  I want a coffee. (Direct)
  I would like a coffee, please. (Polite)

Practice Exercises

1. Rewrite these informal sentences to be more polite.
   1. Give me the menu.
   2. Open the window!
   3. I want to ask a question.
   4. Tell me your name.
2. Choose the most polite option for each situation.
   1. You need to borrow a pen from a stranger.
      a) “Give me your pen.”
      b) “Can I have your pen?”
      c) “Excuse me, would it be possible to borrow your pen for a moment?”
   2. You want to ask your teacher for help after class.
      a) “Help me now!”
      b) “Professor, I need your help.”
      c) “Excuse me, Professor. I was wondering if you might have a moment to help me after class?”
3. Fill in the blanks with the most appropriate polite modal verb (can, could, may, would).
   1. ____ I borrow your dictionary, please?
   2. ____ you mind helping me carry these books?
   3. ____ you please spell your last name for me?
   4. I ____ like to make a reservation for two.

Answers:

1. 1. Could I please have the menu? / May I have the menu, please? / I would like the menu, please.
   2. Would you mind opening the window? / Could you please open the window?
   3. I would like to ask a question. / May I ask a question? / Could I ask a question, please?
   4. May I ask your name? / Could you please tell me your name?
2. 1. c) “Excuse me, would it be possible to borrow your pen for a moment?”
   2. c) “Excuse me, Professor. I was wondering if you might have a moment to help me after class?”
3. 1. Could / May
   2. Would
   3. Could / Would
   4. would